The STOP skillPause before you react

0:04Pause before you react

When emotions run high, we can react in a split second: snap at someone, send the message, slam the door, or do something we later regret. The STOP skill, from dialectical behavior therapy, puts a pause between what sets you off and what you do next.

STOP stands for stop, take a step back, observe, and proceed mindfully. It takes only seconds, and you can use it anywhere.

0:32S: stop

The moment you feel the surge, stop. Freeze for a moment. Don't move, don't speak, and don't act yet. Your emotions may be pushing you, but you get to decide what happens next.

0:46T: take a step back

Take a step back from the situation, in your mind or for real. Take a slow breath, or a few, and give yourself a little space before you decide anything.

0:59O: observe

Observe what's going on, inside you and around you. What are you thinking and feeling? What is actually happening, and what are others saying and doing? Notice the facts, without jumping to conclusions.

1:14P: proceed mindfully

Then proceed mindfully. Ask yourself what you want from this situation, and which choice will make it better, not worse. Act with your goals in mind.

1:26Making it a habit

Like any skill, STOP works best with practice. Try it in small moments first, like when a driver cuts you off or an email annoys you, so it's ready when the stakes are higher.

Pair it with other skills, like slow breathing while you step back, or grounding while you observe.

1:46Getting support

If strong emotions or quick reactions are causing problems in your relationships, your work, or your safety, talk with your care team. DBT and other therapies can help.

And if you're in crisis, call or text 988, any time, day or night.